Well... the water works have already started and they weren't all from Bennett (although he did shed a great deal of tears today). I had to go into school today to get all my stuff to complete my lesson plans for next week. I thought that I was okay and that I wouldn't even cry, but wouldn't you know it... as I was driving to school I just started bawling. I pulled myself together and entered the school. As soon as I got into my classroom I became so overwhelmed and just started crying all over again. I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MY BABY! The poor substitute probably thought I was crazy. I knew that going back to teaching was going to be hard, but I didn't think it would be this hard. Teaching is my passion... but is it worth the expense of missing out on all the little fun things that my child will learn to do? My biggest fear is that I won't be able to balance being an excellent teacher and the mommy that Bennett deserves. If some of my students see me as their hero, will Bennett still see me as his? I'm comforted at the thought that my own mother was a working mom and I have always thought the world of her. Friday, October 10, 2008
Cry Baby
Well... the water works have already started and they weren't all from Bennett (although he did shed a great deal of tears today). I had to go into school today to get all my stuff to complete my lesson plans for next week. I thought that I was okay and that I wouldn't even cry, but wouldn't you know it... as I was driving to school I just started bawling. I pulled myself together and entered the school. As soon as I got into my classroom I became so overwhelmed and just started crying all over again. I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MY BABY! The poor substitute probably thought I was crazy. I knew that going back to teaching was going to be hard, but I didn't think it would be this hard. Teaching is my passion... but is it worth the expense of missing out on all the little fun things that my child will learn to do? My biggest fear is that I won't be able to balance being an excellent teacher and the mommy that Bennett deserves. If some of my students see me as their hero, will Bennett still see me as his? I'm comforted at the thought that my own mother was a working mom and I have always thought the world of her. 
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9 comments:
oh, Ashley, that's so sad. I'm sorry that you have to make that decision. Where will Bennett be staying while you're at school?
Ash, that was so sad, it made me cry. I love youi so much!!!! You amaze me by the amazing mother you are, 1000 times better then me and it is absolutly impossibe for Bennett not to love and adore you!
Thats so tough, hopefully it'll be an easier transition than it seems now. Bennett will love you no matter what, you're a great mom!
Or course you were upset! Any one who wouldn't be upset is crazy. I'm sure it'll be hard now but you'll learn how to balance it and it'll be ok. I'm so sorry that you're so sad right now though.
Oh, Ashley. I completely know what you are going through. It is very difficult. It does get easier, though! There are still times that it is hard to walk out that door. There are days that I wonder what harm I'm doing to my child by not being there. There are days I worry about my students missing out because I don't put the time into it that I used to. But, when I feel that way, Heavenly Father is right there. He knows it's hard. He also knows that we do what we have to do, we are where we need to be. I love teaching, but I hate leaving my child everyday. I would love more than anything to be at home with CJ. I know, though that teaching is where I'm needed, and Heavenly Father helps me through the hard days. He will help you, too. He loves you!
Any time you need to talk about it or need someone who completely understands, I'm here for you!
I love you, Ashley!!!
I hope it gets better soon. But I would definitely be super sad too.
I hope your first day back went good ash, I love you!!!!
Ash, congrats on the baby, a little late! Good luck going back to work! I know how hard it is to leave my baby to go to school. Luv You and Miss you!!
I do NOT like you going back to teaching, you haven't updated your blog in FOREVER!
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